You only grow, when you let go
July 2019. Mid summer flu in mid summer heat in the middle of the Queens island. What a year to live, what a life to lead for the years to come.
If I was openly complaining what disturbing and difficult the past few years been, now I want to ctrl+find my few years younger self and kick her ass. And I'm not saying this year is the hardest ever and forever as that would be a complete hipster talk with half eaten vegan chipolata sausage sandwich in one hand and nothing to drink but rhubarb-lemon-mint cordial in another. Life might be unfair, life might be rewarding, sometimes you're late to say goodbye and sometimes dreams can lead you to salvation even if lately you haven't been on your best terms with the God.
If you want to shout and you want to cry and you want to tear the whole world apart (my Shakespeare self is speaking), that is OK. That is the price of your most heartwarming moments.
Some proofs that waters weren't still this year:
January: Winter Wonderland.
I don't really like crowds. Or if to be completely honest, I sort of hate crowds and my definition of crowd starts with 20+ people including at least couple of kids or one high pitched teenager in exchange of 2x five year olds. Basically, I'm not very good with people. And that's why I would like to put a subscription 'thank you' to my fried Zizi who took me to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park.
January part 2. Trip to Lithuania.
Simply if I would have known... But back then it was meeting all the loved ones at the table with my grandpas blessing smile from the gardens of Eden, over our bend silvering heads. Talks, hugs and mad drive in the nowhere getting closer to our destination day by day.
February. Time is taking it all.
There is certain emptiness that you couldn't imagine and never wanted to think about, and now you can't measure it, just call it 'the void' or the 'deep-dark spot' in the corner of your heart that once was so vivid that it hurts to remember anything of that sort.
March. Trip to Birmingham to celebrate the Restoration of Independence day.
11th of March is the day when us, Lithuanians, are getting back to our roots and celebrating who we are as a country and as a community. And what could be a better way to celebrate than to hear one of the worlds best female conductors and a proud lithuanian Mirga Gražinytė-Tyla conducting the impressive City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra. And to pepper it all up - the first part of the concert was dedicated to the most famous Lithuanian composer Mikalojus Konstantinas Čiurlionis. Complemented by the beautiful Čiurlionis palette inspired (he was also a painter) glass-drawn visualisations, the performance went above the beyond reminding us of everything dear waiting in the homeland.
March part 2. Celebrate the friendship too.
I don't want to brag, but I feel we sort of have a thing going on in here. All 3 of us being completely different, we meet for Birthdays and rare few other occasions, which resolves into hurtful cheeks, tense bellies and tired feet.
April. It's Easter time.
Time for the Easter egg dying, picnic season opening and Spring Holidays!
And note to myself - Kew gardens is always a good idea, no matter the time of the year. So I'm coming back for Christmas. Ha.
May part 2. There are no two things alike.
When you call your friends 'friends' for many years, a new fresh branch grows on your family tree and here is how I got my London sister, Rit. And when you say to your sister you don't want a hen party, because you don't get an idea behind it, they behave just like any sister would do.
And so that was a remedy, a beginning to recovery, a treat to my body and to my soul. Thank you my dear for the crazy trip and cheerful moments, for the loud laugh in the streets and honestly perfect food!
June. I was never so sure in my life.
If I could, I would put that day on repeat, but God is not an Amazon and life is not a subscription. This is why we made some pictures and living on with the warmest memories.
The church, the yes'es, the looks, the feels, the shivers, the love, the kisses, the blessing, the guests, the smiles, the sun, the wind, the atmosphere, the decorations, the music, the gifts and the song-gifts, the food, the friends, the parents, the brothers and the sisters, the kiddos, the greetings, the wishes, the cards, the flowers, the photos, the overwhelming joy, the manor, the boom, the Žilvitis, the cake, the book, the priest, the God, the beloved relatives watching from above, the red dress and even the insects and the sunburn.
Loving you is the biggest honor and responsibility that was ever given to me, the fullness of my present and the will of my future.
If I was openly complaining what disturbing and difficult the past few years been, now I want to ctrl+find my few years younger self and kick her ass. And I'm not saying this year is the hardest ever and forever as that would be a complete hipster talk with half eaten vegan chipolata sausage sandwich in one hand and nothing to drink but rhubarb-lemon-mint cordial in another. Life might be unfair, life might be rewarding, sometimes you're late to say goodbye and sometimes dreams can lead you to salvation even if lately you haven't been on your best terms with the God.
If you want to shout and you want to cry and you want to tear the whole world apart (my Shakespeare self is speaking), that is OK. That is the price of your most heartwarming moments.
Some proofs that waters weren't still this year:
January: Winter Wonderland.
I don't really like crowds. Or if to be completely honest, I sort of hate crowds and my definition of crowd starts with 20+ people including at least couple of kids or one high pitched teenager in exchange of 2x five year olds. Basically, I'm not very good with people. And that's why I would like to put a subscription 'thank you' to my fried Zizi who took me to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park.
This guy was kind of scary in the wind, but some mulled cider hidden behind him and nobody cares anymore.
January part 2. Trip to Lithuania.
Simply if I would have known... But back then it was meeting all the loved ones at the table with my grandpas blessing smile from the gardens of Eden, over our bend silvering heads. Talks, hugs and mad drive in the nowhere getting closer to our destination day by day.
If you're afraid of Lithuanian winter, just buy a warm hat. Keep your autumn coat tho.
Who says you can't explore Lithuania in winter. Feeling like Lithuania is exploring and teasing us.
Apparently that's a fashionable thing now in the north of Lithuania. Sweet sweet šakotis.
There is certain emptiness that you couldn't imagine and never wanted to think about, and now you can't measure it, just call it 'the void' or the 'deep-dark spot' in the corner of your heart that once was so vivid that it hurts to remember anything of that sort.
London as a metaphor for sadness.
March. Trip to Birmingham to celebrate the Restoration of Independence day.
11th of March is the day when us, Lithuanians, are getting back to our roots and celebrating who we are as a country and as a community. And what could be a better way to celebrate than to hear one of the worlds best female conductors and a proud lithuanian Mirga Gražinytė-Tyla conducting the impressive City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra. And to pepper it all up - the first part of the concert was dedicated to the most famous Lithuanian composer Mikalojus Konstantinas Čiurlionis. Complemented by the beautiful Čiurlionis palette inspired (he was also a painter) glass-drawn visualisations, the performance went above the beyond reminding us of everything dear waiting in the homeland.
This was full and buzzing. And so many Lithuanians in one place!
March part 2. Celebrate the friendship too.
I don't want to brag, but I feel we sort of have a thing going on in here. All 3 of us being completely different, we meet for Birthdays and rare few other occasions, which resolves into hurtful cheeks, tense bellies and tired feet.
This is a nice version of us. Watch it...
Just a second later...
Waboom... two scared rabbits.
And besides making fun of each other, we also got a chance to visit Windsor Castle and the famous St. George's Chapel (luckily, all Royal family members already got married and it was open to the public)
April. It's Easter time.
Time for the Easter egg dying, picnic season opening and Spring Holidays!
And note to myself - Kew gardens is always a good idea, no matter the time of the year. So I'm coming back for Christmas. Ha.
Easter starts in your heart, on your hands and in your sink.
The two random ones are from our homeland market in Pasvalys.
Kew gardens gifted us with an amazing glass sculpture exhibition.
I mean, it was like an Easter egg hunt.
Some practice for the next Holiday break.
May. It's never been like that. And never will.
Remember, I spoke about the 'void' and about 'the deep-dark spot' in my heart? I more and more realize there is no right description for the grief. Just the silence in your ears, strange emptiness in your stomach and birds chirping as loud as they can, as if to say there is no 'here' or 'there' anymore, it is only 'now' and 'now' will never heal you or return what was taken from you.
May is our month of beginnings and endings.
You will always BE in May.
May part 2. There are no two things alike.
When you call your friends 'friends' for many years, a new fresh branch grows on your family tree and here is how I got my London sister, Rit. And when you say to your sister you don't want a hen party, because you don't get an idea behind it, they behave just like any sister would do.
And so that was a remedy, a beginning to recovery, a treat to my body and to my soul. Thank you my dear for the crazy trip and cheerful moments, for the loud laugh in the streets and honestly perfect food!
This was one massive massive Cathedral.
Look how small I am!
Our best monk-guide who cares about his fitness regime and so matched a fitbit to his tunic.
And also said Queen Guinevere (that wife of Arthur's) had a hair color like mine (people, balayage is older than we think!). By the way, this is Arthur's grave or at least they say it is.
The happy.
The hilly. Sneaky wild goats watching us from the top.
June. I was never so sure in my life.
If I could, I would put that day on repeat, but God is not an Amazon and life is not a subscription. This is why we made some pictures and living on with the warmest memories.
The church, the yes'es, the looks, the feels, the shivers, the love, the kisses, the blessing, the guests, the smiles, the sun, the wind, the atmosphere, the decorations, the music, the gifts and the song-gifts, the food, the friends, the parents, the brothers and the sisters, the kiddos, the greetings, the wishes, the cards, the flowers, the photos, the overwhelming joy, the manor, the boom, the Žilvitis, the cake, the book, the priest, the God, the beloved relatives watching from above, the red dress and even the insects and the sunburn.
Loving you is the biggest honor and responsibility that was ever given to me, the fullness of my present and the will of my future.
The moments.
There is a lifetime in this moment and my heart in your hand.
And then there was Spain. Hot and exotic, welcoming and scaring, changing views and opening minds. Travel, guys, travel if you can. But about it next time.
Love,
J.
