My little joys of living

Šiuo metu viskas klojasi puikiai (tfu tfu, per petį). Darbų ir poilsio balansas, namai, šeima, pinigai, draugai. Trisdešimt dviejų gyvenimas tik gražesnis, pilnesnis, subtilesnis ir kokybiškesnis nei, sakykim, dvidešimt dviejų, kai, jei teisingai skaičiuoju, pradėjau šį tinklaraštį.  O, bet, tačiau (ar išvis būna dalykų be bet?...) yra tas vienas nedidukas, bet smailus akmenukas bate, kurį noris kuo greičiausiai iškratyti ir pamiršti. Mano atveju tai yra gimtoji kalba. Arba tiksliau begalinė baimė ją pamiršti. O norint įveikti baimę, reikia kažką su ja daryti. Ištverti, išsapnuoti, iškalbėti ar, mano pasirinktu atveju, išrašyti. Tiesa ta, kad mane, kaip ir kitus ilgą laiką svetur gyvenančius ir užsienio kalbą gausiai kasdien vartojančius draugus, ištiko kalbos artritas. Ne, tai nėra tikslus terminas. Aš neįsivaizduoju, kokį žodį lietuviai vartoja šiam reiškiniui apibūdinti ir ar iš viso toks egzistuoja. Savo kalbos artritą kildinu iš angliško 'language attrition', kuris, išvert...

It is time for a yearly blog post and goodness me what a year it was, say I and says 95% of all my friends, clients and colleagues. The other 5% refusing to say anything at all as 2020 left them pretty much speechless. On one hand, this year was really uneventful. On the second hand, thank God it was! When the Global pandemic kicks in, you nor want nor need any events, just to stay healthy, employed and mentally afloat. And it might sound cheesy, but the quote that came to my mind most this year was: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, saying: For  everything, there  is a season, A  time  for every activity under heaven. A  time  to be born and a  time  to die. A  time  to plant and a  time  to harvest. 2020 was time to stop. Not voluntarily, but forcefully and yet some of us might felt it was very much needed. When leaving the office around 17th March to work from home, one of my colleagues asked 'how much do you take with you? Do you think w...

I do forget my blog on purpose. Really. And the purpose in majority of the cases is... Netfix. However, one thing that I enjoy the most about this blog is getting to my stories from at least half year ago and reflecting on what I thought and said back then. I re-read the You only grow, when you let go  once more. It still hurts, but yes, it's much better and yes, time is the best antidote to the grief. It builds you, it shapes you, it makes you who you are. There was a read that helped me a lot, Max Porter's Grief is the Thing with Feathers . The situation described in the book is entirely different to mine, yet the emptiness, the sadness and, finally, the healing and break through to the light are very relatable. This is how I imagine them, happy in the eternal light, finally together and with their loved ones who we never met. And for us, here, is the joy of life, a colourful painting full of peace and calmness for those who seek it. That's what I've dedicated my...

This is the strange period in my life when every little counts. A smile, a word, a hug, a taste, a glance, a second, everything is somewhat longer, deeper, sometimes weird, exciting and new like a smoked beef brisket (what a thing!) and sometimes nostalgic like a chamomile tea with a drop of honey. I had a lot of food for thoughts in the past 2 months and very incredible clash of emotions. The darkest shadow of loss and thereafter, right away, a pure joy seeing so many lovely faces on our wedding day. I sometimes don't know where it all went to, is it all over or just the beginning (hope not!), but I'm grateful for every single person who stood next to me and behind me and in front of me to help me through the storm. I don't know if it's over yet, but now I know better than ever before - this shit is serious, it's called life and, admit, you love it after all. This is the reason you get out of bed, wash your hair, put that bright dress on and march forward to see ...

July 2019. Mid summer flu in mid summer heat in the middle of the Queens island. What a year to live, what a life to lead for the years to come. If I was openly complaining what disturbing and difficult the past few years been, now I want to ctrl+find my few years younger self and kick her ass. And I'm not saying this year is the hardest ever and forever as that would be a complete hipster talk with half eaten vegan chipolata sausage sandwich in one hand and nothing to drink but rhubarb-lemon-mint cordial in another. Life might be unfair, life might be rewarding, sometimes you're late to say goodbye and sometimes dreams can lead you to salvation even if lately you haven't been on your best terms with the God. If you want to shout and you want to cry and you want to tear the whole world apart (my Shakespeare self is speaking), that is OK. That is the price of your most heartwarming moments. Some proofs that waters weren't still this year: January: Winter Wonderla...